Top 5 Things Every Woman Should Know

So this is dedicated to all the ladies out there who don't know what they're doing with themselves. Without further adieu....

1) YOU CANNOT CHANGE US. I repeat, DO NO THINK YOU CAN CHANGE US. You will get hurt in the end. I don't know how many times I have witnessed girls stick around with some deadbeat, scrub, player, thinking that his intentions are pure, that he actually likes her, but in the end they get played.

Girl: "He's really nice though, he's not like that"

Me: "Yeah, did you guys have sex yet?"

Girl: "no..."

That is precisely why he is being nice to you. Of course not all guys are like this, i'm talkin about the cocky player type, once they get what they want, they will drop you, just don't fall for it.

2) You should have some cooking abilities, this isn't being sexist or anything. I'm not saying like, bitch go make me a sandwich type shit. But when I come home and you say "Here babe, I made you some Ling Ling potstickers and a taquito". That is most definitely NOT a meal. Don't get me wrong, I respect the effort, but let's be real you can try a little harder than that. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach; there aren't many things guys like more than food, besides money, sports, blowjobs, and....maybe COD. I've actually cooked many meals for my past girls and it's nothing i'm ashamed of, but in all seriousness, just know how to cook, it's kinda sad if you don't, and pretty sexy if you do.

3) Don't snoop, it's not cute. If you have no reasonable cause to snoop then just don't do it. Especially if we find out later you snooped and looked through our personal belongings, then we'll just get angry and not want to be with you. If you don't trust your man then you need to check your relationship, not his cell phone.

4) No one likes a clingy girl, we have our own lives so give us some space. Don't blow up our phones, drunk dial us, ask us to hang out all the time; at first its coo, but after a while its just like ugh...this bitch....

5) There is one quality that trumps numbers 1-4 and if you have this fine quality; a guy may be willing to overlook the fact that you are being a dumb, egg burnin, patriot act snoopin, drunk dialin bitch. So what is this rare quality, that would make the world a better place? So simple, yet hoards of women out there just don't understand the secret? I know your just dying to know so the answer to it all lies in the power of three letters and that is.....D T F. "AAAAAAW YEAAAAAHHH"

CBM